Updates from a Pastry and Baking student

I suck at life.

2012-02-12T21:56:00.000-08:00

Tonite is one of those nights that I really do not want to go back to work or school tomorrow. Mainly, because of a huge uproar that I seemed to have caused on fri. It has to do w/ the fact that I changed out someone's pager at work &...it created an uproar because of it. Most of which I don't understand why, I notified the person that their pager was being swapped out, so again I don't understand why the uproar.

The other part of it is that i ended up getting a crappy grade on my cake assignment. Part of which i expected, but the other part of it was that it seemed like every little thing was wrong with the cake. And at this point I'm honestly just tired of the whole class. Which (pardon the pun) was just the icing on the cake. Having burned myself with an iron right before class & breaking most of my gum paste flowers that i worked on. So, right now, the frustrating part is that I feel like I just want to run away & start over somewhere else. I keep hoping that at some point I will stop feeling like this..& it never does. I just want to stop feeling like I need to run & hide every time there is a problem. There are days when I feel like all I ever say is "I'm sorry".

Part of my frustrations right now is a close friend. I talked to her Fri. to have a sounding board & when i try to explain that there are days when i don't feel like doing anything except stay at home. she said that not me, i never have those days. And, it frustrates me because i do have those days. Mostly, i don't show it because i still have the (bad) habit of putting on a happy face & pretending like nothings wrong. I'm honestly thinking about getting a prescription for anti-depressants....but at the same time...idk. I'll think it over & just go from there i guess, at this point i don't know what else to do.

Random Musings

2012-01-05T06:41:00.000-08:00

I ran across this pic not to long ago, & it got me thinking that it's something that i would probably do. Personally, i think it would be nice for a person to wake up to a text like this. And who wouldn't like someone to bring them Starbucks in the morning.

Merry X-mas!!

2011-12-25T19:06:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas & happy holidays to all of my readers!!

Frustrated & feeling overwhelmed w/addeum

2011-12-02T17:55:00.001-08:00

IDK where to begin...first off i'm trying not to be negative most of the time( even though some of my posts seem like it), it's just I get frustrated over little things & it just feels like it adds up after a fashion to the point where i feel overwhelmed...& it's mostly over small shit. Like things at work, not getting everything done at school,not getting a good grade on my quizes and stuff like that. As it stands right now I'm probably going to have to retake my plated desserts class (the one I'm in now,which sucks in a way & is a plus in others). Otherwise school is going good, If i pass my current class i will have two classes left to take. Yea me(!)..lol.As far as jobs are concerened, I still have my work study job, I'm trying to find another job but the outlook isn't that great. One the one hand I would like to find a job in the IT sector, but on the other I NEED to find a work site for my externship. So for right now I'll just keep plodding along & go from there.Which leads me to my final (& continous) frustration, the VA. I found out the hard way that i did not get my housing allowance on the 1st like i usually do. And it was due to a "small glitch" alot of people only got a % of their usual payments, so for right now I'm hoping ill be able to pay my rent this month. I have no idea what i'll do if i can't.*addeum 8 Dec 11** The point that i was trying to make was that I'm frustrated by some of my classmates. What brought it up was that I decided to check out a female classmate that was walking by. And some of my other classmates acted shocked that I would do something like that. I found it frustrating that I can't be myself (in a sense), it's not that i make a point of doing it all thew time. But somedays i don't see the harm in it, for cryin' out loud I'm 31 & single dammit! *sigh* I suppose i'm done ranting for now...lol. But in all seriousness dear readers, I do respect the opposite sex. And, there are (rare)times when i feel like enjoying the female form.

PDT Trip

2011-11-28T17:26:00.001-08:00

Overall, I had good time I got to see my spoiled brat (which is always nice!). I was only able to stay for a few days but I'm glad it wasn't longer. I like PDT, but it's still a small little town, there were some new stores & some that have gone out of business. Which is kinda par for the course for a small town like Pendleton. But, otherwise the weather was nice, the whole time it was 60 deg. on average during the day & 30 deg. at night. It wasn't the usual Nov. weather but I won't complain. Ummm... sarah is doing ok, her anti-inflamitory shots are on back order soo...her arthritis is bothering her alot. She has an appt. later this week with the Vet to see if she can get some rymadhyl(sp?) to help manage her arthrits.I'm not too keen on it bc it can impact her liver soo...idk. But, right now there aren't a whole lot of options. My thoughts are just to try her on the meds for a month & play it by ear as time goes on. If she reacts well to the meds I'll keep her on it, if not at least I'll know that I'll have to find another option. Other than that things are still the same with her, she has a little bit of an attitude..lol. Like when i tried to call her inside, she came up my friends back hill 1/2 way then she got "distracted" by the ground & wasn't "hearing" me. Or, when my friend was going to bed & she peeked out of his bedroom at me & when i tried calling her she just tilted her head at me, then ducked back into the bedroom...lol. Like i said a spoiled brat...lol.Moving on....I did get the chance to see sabrina for a bit, which was nice. I took her to breakfast at sheri's so we could kinda talk. Pretty much we got caught up on what we've been doing & we both agreed that we miss hanging out, but that's about it. Overall she doing ok with her classes, she applied & got accepted to EOU (of which i'm happy & proud of her.)since she changed her degree path to the AAOT. At this point I'm still undecided as to which direction to go with her. I would like to give it a second chance, but not if it's going to be a one-sided relationship. On the other hand, I've tried putting up a personal ad & not too surprising i haven't heard anything on it. so like alot of things it's up in the air right now.

My Turkey Day

2011-11-25T19:06:00.001-08:00

So my turkey day was good. I came out to Eastern Oregon to visit Sarah & spend time w/ friends....& their dogs..lol. But overall, i missed the dogs there cute..in there own neurotic way..lol. I head back to PDX on sun & return to classes on mon for 3 weeks then Winter break. Woot! so for now I'm just chillin' for a few days, which is nice.

Tired, frustrated & missing my old school schedule.

2011-11-07T17:20:00.001-08:00

I'M just seriously frustrated at this point. Partially at my school, partially at Muskogee & partially at...alot of things right now. I wish i had ...knew someone that could deal w/ the work study crap instead of me. I'm stressed as it is with school & not having enough time to study & do my homework. And, now having to fight with Muskogee because to school didn't certify my enrollment for the class that i start tonite. It's overwhelming some days, i wish i had my old school schedule so that i had time in the evenings to do things. I'm honestly really tired of fighting tooth & nail just to make sure i get a paycheck. As it stands right now im not working this week because i don't have a contract soo...it means i will probably lose out in getting paid for this week. Today is one of those days that i honestly wonder if fighting with muskogee is worth the hassle.

Change #322

2011-10-02T18:05:00.000-07:00

So let's see where to start...i now am taking night classes at school. I still trying to get used to my new schedule, it feels weird to go to school after work instead of home. But, on the bright side I don't have any morning classes until school starts up again in January. Which is nice on one hand, but, on the other I miss hanging out with some of my class mates from the morning classes. As far as work...it's about the same ...my supervisor keeps talking about positions opening up, but, for right now it's just talk. I've applied for another job, & not too surprising i never heard back from them. Right now I'm contemplating applying @ PSU for a culinary job since i need to find someplace to do my internship at. As for other things, I'm still single (yay me. :/), I've placed a couple ads online but nothing has come of it so far(not too surprising). It would be nice to go out & meet people, but due to work & school ...I just don't have a lot of time on my hands & also ..I'm not fond of the bar scene. Which kinda brings me to something I was thinking about. In re: to something i discussed in previous posts, I'm not sure if i want a child at this point or if it's the idea of one that i keep coming around too. Mainly, it has to do with the fact that I don't know how I'm going to take care of sarah when i get out of school. If i find a job in the am how am I going to get her to a boarding kennel? If i get a night job, how would i pick her up in the AM? I guess my point is that right now i have alot to think about.

34...

2011-09-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

...the answer to life the universe & everything. So, since it's been a month since I've last updated. Pretty much life is the same, feeling a little better than when i last wrote. Umm.. things have have changed slightly with school, due to class offerings I've had to push my graduation date back 6 weeks. So, that means instead of graduating in May I would graduate in August. I'm kinda mixed on the whole idea, I know i made the right decision...but at the same time ..idk.Anywho, on to other things, ummm.... Sabrina wants to come out & visit, but idk...i wish she would pick a time when i have free time. But, I'm honestly on the fence about her coming out, I know she wants to get back together, but i just don't think it would work out. She not fond of the Portland area, & i'm not fond of going back to Eastern Oregon. For right now we're supposed to meet up when I go out to eastern Oregon to see sarah in Nov. so i guess we'll see.

Feeling Envious

2011-08-16T19:35:00.000-07:00

...and slightly disconnected. My point (I finally realized after reading a couple of previous posts) is that lately I'm just feeling envious, I see couples at work, on the MAX, ....and just wonder what's wrong with me that I can't have that. I honestly would like someone to share my life (&/or a child as well). But, lately I just feel disconnected. Partially because of school, the last few terms I keep getting put into classes with student I don't know & I feel like I'm in a gray area because I'm 1 term behind the class I started with & about a term ahead of the class that started after I did. And, so like today when I was talking with someone from the class I started with & she was saying how she wants to transfer out of the one class we have together because all of her friends are in a different set of classes. Partially because of work & school, i.e. going to culinary school and working in the the IT field. So honestly...I don't know...I guess I feel kinda mixed overall, kinda blah, kinda envious, & kinda down.

Reflections

2011-08-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

So after going White water rafting yesterday, I came to 2 conclusions. 1.) I NEED to plan ahead next time i go rafting & bring flip flops & an extra pair of clothes...lol. It's the second time I've gone out & not planned ahead & wished that I brought something, at least it was warm enough that I dried off rather quickly (which was a plus!) but I would've preferred to have dry clothing. Anywho, the other thing I realized was that even though I enjoy going out & doing things on my own...it would be nice to have someone to share those experiences with. It was seeing the interaction/affection between the two couples that were there, just made me realize it. I've put ads up on some dating websites but I'm not really holding my breath too much, we'll see i guess...Que sera sera pretty much.

Off to go white water rafting

2011-08-13T09:07:00.001-07:00

Waiting/ chillin by Estacada to go white water rafting. Looks to be fun...i guess.

Drained

2011-08-09T05:58:00.001-07:00

*sigh* lately i feel like im just running on a giant hamster wheel. With classes in the am & running to work right after...its tiring. I wish i could do one or the other...but i can't. I've tried looking for entry level tech jobs ...but here in the portland metro area there aren't any. So...idk what to do...we'll see i guess....

An Update...finally :-S

2011-06-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

Sooo...I know I haven't updated my blog in awhile. Mostly, since the weathers kinda slowly warmed up I been going out & wandering around Downtown Portland on the weekends. Anywho, not to much has changed since I last updated, I'm currently taking my Foundations 2 course at school, which is kind of an advanced basic cooking course.
It focuses on the basic methods of cooking, for example the topics cover everything from egg preparation to basic dish preparation. It's a nice class, a little fast paced because they cover a different topic everyday. But overall, I definitely enjoy it.

As for other things, work is going ok, right now it's inventory season, & I'm trying to inventory some 300 pagers & deal with my regular work requests at the same time. So right now between work & school my stress level is pretty high. At least after next Friday I'll be done with inventory, which will definitely be nice. My other frustration with work is the Work Study aspect of it. It seems like each time i turn in my final timesheet for the contract period there is always a problem with not getting paid on time. I beginning to think that monkeys with typewriters would do a better job than the staff in Muskogee, OK. I'm thinking for right now I'll stick with it until Sep. then if a permanent position doesn't open up then I'll look for a culinary job. In all honesty I wish I knew right now how to go about going back to school for a certificate in CIS (Computer Information Systems). For right now it's an idea.

Ummm...lemme see...summer break is coming up & I'll probably spend it out here in Portland. It's not that I don't want to go & see sarah...., but I just don't want to feel like I have to go back to Pendleton every chance I get. Part of the reason I moved was to get away from a Podunk little town, not keep running back to it. At least I don't feel as bad about now as when i did a few weeks back. Mainly, I felt like I was disappointing a friend by not coming to visit. Even though my friend said it was fine, I still felt like I was disappointing her.

anywho,that pretty much sums up what's been going on with me. I think I'll post again around summer break or so.

Tired

2011-04-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

It one of those days that i feel tired of alot of things.
Tired of my classes (even though i enjoy them).
Tired of the weather going between warm & sunny on the weekends & then cold & rainy during the week.
Tired of waking up at 3:30am & not being able to go back to sleep.
Tired of seeing pregnant couples everywhere & wondering (in passing) why can't that be me.
I feel like i need a break from life, & school, work...just everything right now.
*sigh* at least summer break is coming up soon. So that should be a nice break.

My Spring Break & me :-)

2011-04-27T10:51:00.001-07:00

Sooo.... let's see...there's not much to say....I spent half of it working (so that I could get paid...money is always a good thing.) . Ummmm.....the other half was spent in Eastern Oregon visiting my dog n taking Sabrina out to breakfast. I enjoyed both since I miss sarah n spending time with Sabrina. It was nice to be able to talk to her in person since I haven't been able to do so since x-mas. Other than that nothing to exciting to mention, just taking my classes one day at a time n learning as much as I can at work (without sounding like a dunce) .

Spring break & school

2011-03-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

Sooo...spring break arrived (finally!!! lol!) I get about a week & half off from school, which is a nice break. I don't have any big plans other than to go out to Eastern Oregon here in a few days & spend some time with my dog. I find out tomorrow what my grades were for this term. I think I'll come away with a B, but that's what i thought back in Dec. as well. Anywho, by my estimation I wont be getting a star until at least summer term sadly (long story). As for classes, I'm taking Nutrition & Math (blech!!!) when school starts up in April, I was hoping for breads class but after hearing who the instructor was I'm glad I'm not in it. I know this posting is kinda rambling, I just feel antsy tonite for some reason & don't feel like posting (even though i need to). Idk....part of it is, I think I kinda understand what somebody was telling me not too long ago. About something about me that...idk ..is memorable. The original discussion was that I don't understand why people would miss me (I'm not despondent by any means!), it's just that ...i don't understand. I know it's not bc of my effervescent personality (lol), or my witty sense of humor, basically I'm not special or important by any means. I honestly do find it hard to believe when classmates or people from a group I go to, tell they miss me when I'm not there. What made me think about it was that I ran into somebody on my way home the other day that remembered me from when I was working as a Victim Adv. Which surprised me somewhat 1. due to how long ago that was & 2. what are the odds in the Portland Area to run into someone.
Anywho, to get back onto my original topic (spring break), basically just relaxing for the next week. I did go see Suckerpunch in theaters which was a good movie, i liked the special effects in it, the producers really did a good job on it. And, mostly going through books that i have on my bookshelves, in short (for me) partying likes it's 1999...couldn't resist..lol!

So,that's about it for now ill probably post again when i get back from my mini-vacation.

Sigh spring break cannot come soon enough!

2011-03-20T20:57:00.001-07:00

4 more days till spring break. I know it's been eons since i've updated my blog. I promise when spring break is here i'll update you dear readers!

Book Review

2011-02-20T14:04:00.000-08:00

I know I said I would post this last weekend, but since I was in-between classes last weekend it turned out to be more of a lazy weekend for me…lol.
Anywho, the book I finished was: War & the Soul: Healing our Nation’s Veterans from PTSD. Overall, it was an interesting book; the author puts forth the argument that “we can regrow the war-wounded soul in both individuals and cultures to nurture and educate a positive and affirming identity that surrounds the war experience with love, compassion, meaning, and forgiveness”. The author suggests that the soul is the center of our consciousness, it’s what allows people to experience life, and it’s the awareness of oneself. It’s what allows us to think, reason, and understand (in a sense it’s a persons intellectual center). This is slightly reminiscent of Descartes. The author goes on to suggest that war is a form of a rite of passage. In the past cultures have used the rite of passage to mark the transition to adulthood. In contrast to modern culture, the lack of meaningful rites of passage, which some (psychologists & social workers) believe, is the cause of problems with youth today. Although, there are still some formal ceremonies that are still used today, such as bar/bat mitzvahs, conformations, first communions, graduations, etc. In effect joining the military is the closest thing to a rite of passage in today’s modern culture. Youth are promised the psychospiritual transformation from ordinary citizens into noble warriors. With various slogans advertising “Be all you can be”, “Aim high”, “Looking for a few good men”. Advertisements variously show warriors in dress garb with swords & soldiers conquering impossible obstacles, or transformed into mythic warriors slaying dragons, or in one advertisement a monster formed from Lava. Part of the reason (I think) that the military seems attractive is Pop Culture. There are some Vietnam veterans who say that the reason they signed up is “because of World War II & John Wayne films” For the longest time a majority of his films portrayed him as the quintessential soldier. He was able to go into a war zone, do what needed to be done, and return home unscathed by war. Even though John Wayne did not serve in the military, he established himself as the model for soldiers. By contrast, Jimmy Stewart, who did serve, refused to make any war movies (with the exception of “Strategic Air Command”) when he returned from his time overseas.

Another point that the author brought up is that a veteran doesn’t become a warrior merely for having been deployed to a war zone. S/he becomes a warrior when s/he learns to carry their war skills & vision in mature ways.
In conclusion, the book seems more a philosophical discussion on the topic of PTSD & Veterans. It’s definitely a good read, & something I would recommend for anyone interested in a different perspective on the topic.

random thoughts

2011-02-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

First off i have to say i miss having/hearing a radio station that plays smooth jazz (I'm currently listening to Pandora as i type tonite).
Anywho, on to my my thoughts, I'm almost finished with a book i picked up at Barnes & noble last weekend called "War & the Soul". It offers an explanation into healing the soul of veterans w/PTSD. Overall, its more of a philosophical discussion on the topic. It does have a few points that i agree with: one being that the V.A. as a whole is more interested in medicating people than helping them, another is that joining the Military is seen by some as a rite of passage or a way to gain Warrior Status w/in Society. He (the author) theorizes that PTSD is more of a "soul wound", instead of a stress disorder that the DSM-IV classifies it as. Also, instead of having veterans return to society, their lives prior to a deployment there should be less of an expectation to be "normal". It seems like to me that (to use an example from the book) society wants veterans to be like John Wayne, (the poster child for WWII)even though he does not have any combat experience, if one watches some of the war movies that he is able to go into a combat situation, does what needs to be done & come home all right as rain with no ill effects from the war. At the other end of the scale is Jimmy Stewart, who did see combat & when he returned in '45 he refused to make any war movies (w/ the exception of "strategic air command" (as someone pointed out). For the most part, i do agree with the fact there should be more done for veterans when they return home, instead of a pat on the head & a ticker tape parade. anyway, i need to get some homework *blech* done. I'll post more on the book when i finish it this weekend.

School so far.

2011-01-21T07:08:00.000-08:00

So this cycle I'm taking Food costing & Interpersonal Communication. Overall, there not too bad as far as classes go. The Cost control class....leaves me frustrated most days, but otherwise its going good. My communication class is interesting, most of the text book terms are mostly "jargon", but the concepts are interesting though. Part of it is i have to to a paper on communication, and i chose my topic on Social Communication in the Media. So thats how i plan to spend my weekend is typing it up...& going to Chocolate Fest (of course). so that pretty much where thing are at right now....umm... as far as work, I'm still at the VA Hospital. After the New Year started i was given more job duties (which im still trying to learn =/), but otherwise its going good.

White Water Rafting trip

2011-01-02T15:03:00.001-08:00

In short here is the link for the White water trip i went on for New years. I published some photos on FB, I'll probably explain more later. I would explain more but, sadly i have groceries i need to buy.

http://www.oregonlive.com/gresham/index.ssf/2011/01/vets_brave_frigid_water_chilly.html

my terribile, horrible, no good....week

2010-12-29T20:24:00.000-08:00

So it started out that i forgot my notebook for school at home (which had all my notes since the beginning of class),I failed my practical (quiz), My list of things i needed to do for class didn't reflect the time involved for each task (ill get to that later) as such i didn't get everything done that i had (plenty of) time to do. And too top it of.. i made the decision to walk away from a scholarship opportunity, mainly with school & work..i just didn't have time right now to work on it. Its kinda disappointing due to all the time i put into it. I know there will be other scholarship opportunities...but still. Other than that i had finals on Fri but I didn't go due to my uncle (who was living in Corvallis) passing away. So i left Fri afternoon with my uncle,aunt & my dad who flew in to take care of the final arrangements. It started out pretty good, but kinda went down hill on Sat. When we got to my uncle's trailer he had a bike out front & my aunt suggested that i take it to use for school. So i did, but as i was getting it into the trunk of the car my uncle got slightly annoyed & asked "so am I supposed to take you home now" i said calmly that it would be nice if he could. He walked off, then as i finished loading the bike he kept asking me "why don't you buy one at wal-mart?" "they sell bikes at wal-mart, why can't you just go out & buy one?". So i wasn't thrilled precisely because my aunt suggested it (taking the bike). Anyhow, i thought my weekend would end on a high note, because my dad didn't have to leave for home until Sun afternoon so (hopefully) we could hang out for a few hours Sun morning. But that didn't happen, as we got to around Tigard late Sat morn (heading home)...my dad decided that he didn't have any more money and he's going to go home.
To say the least i was kinda dissapointed, along with the fact that when we got to my place my dad came inside & stayed long enough to look around my living room & ask how much my rent was then leave as my Aunt & Uncle were waiting in the car (they didn't want to come inside). So in short, I was rather dissapointed because most days i feel distant from my family (because of the way I grew up) & this weekend didn't really help much in that regard.

*Editor's note* This entry was supposed be posted the weekend of the 19 Dec 10.

My X-mas/ new years plans

2010-12-29T19:50:00.000-08:00

So...overall it was nice, I came out to Pendleton to surprise sabrina since she couldn't make it out to my place & ..i kinda sorta implied that i was staying in Portland. It worked out like I'd hoped, she was surprised to see me (it was also nice to see her since we haven't had much chance to spend time together). I wish we could've spent more time together, but nonetheless it was nice to be able to go out & have coffee & talk.
So as far as New years goes i don't have much planned jut to go & get a haircut Friday, go white water rafting out by Sandy, Or., Sunday & Monday just hang out at my place & get ready for school on Tues. *sigh* other than that i don't really have any big plans for the Holiday weekend.

Turkey Day, school & stuff

2010-12-02T22:04:00.000-08:00

Sooo.. let's see...turkey day was okay. I went out to Eastern Oregon to visit Sabrina and Family. I stayed with friends & their 6 adorable(read: unruly) dogs, I'm so used to living by myself (w/ no dogs) that i forgot what its like to live with dogs..lol. So besides the fact that the little turds (the dogs, not my friends)ate my biscotti, it was nice to see them . Other than that, I made dinner for my friends, on the menu was Duck w/ Orange sauce, Potatoes Au Gratin, & White Chocolate Bread Pudding. I know its a rather simple menu, but it was tasty even though the duck wasn't completely defrosted before i put it in the oven (lesson learned i guess). The downside of it was that i didn't get to see Sabrina as much as i would have preferred (at least i got to see her though), & didn't get some pictures printed off that i wanted. Soooo... like i said it was okay.

As far as school is concerned, its going good. I made a really yummy quiche Monday, & (sadly) after having some of it for lunch & the rest for dinner...there's none left...lol. I'm hoping tomorrow to finish my Lemon Tart & mini-chocolate tarts (& dare i say it my Pound Cake as well, *sigh* one can always hope).

Ummm..as far as the VA goes i had an appt. Monday that i thought was for a counselor, but i guess it was just for a medication nurse. Overall, i wasn't too impressed with the nurse, mainly it seemed to me that it was more of a "check the box" type appt. she didn't seem to really listen to what i had to say. IDK....maybe it was just me, I've never really dealt with a medication nurse before so who knows.

So (lucky for you readers) I'm going to go to bed since i need to be up early for school.
Have a good night & i'll chew your ear(s) off at a later time.

tired, frustrated, & feeling overwhelmed

2010-11-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

This week has not gone like i wanted. I keep forgetting sh** at my place, which pisses me off since I'm not that forgetful. It doesn't help that I'm behind on making cookies for class, I thought i was going to get more done today but i had to restart a recipe 25 min. into it since the eggs were too foamy. I just feel overwhelmed because i have until Fri. to do them & it doesn't help that tomorrow i 3 new recipes have to do along with a quiz on Fri that the instructor says its the hardest of all of his quizzes (not very inspiring honestly). Not only do i have school to deal with, but I find out today that I'm slightly SOL for pay because the fu**ing work study office keeps giving me information fu**ing piecemeal & not all at fu**ing once. I was told at first that my contract was renewed automatically (not fu**ing true!) I have to reapply every time my contract ends. So now i have to wait a week to get a contract & a new fu**ing time sheet. So that means im not going to have a whole lot of money for the holiday weekend coming up. *sigh* is it really too much trouble to have life go the way i want it for a change? Seriously, is it?

School is “torture”

2010-11-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

I tell ya its rough...lol. This week I was “forced” to do a chocolate tasting, and then temper some chocolate to make bark, which I then had to take home. Its “torture” I tell ya. For the rest of the class I’ll be making cookies, various types of cakes, along with petit fours *sigh* I don’t know how I’ll ever survive.

Other than that work is going ok, I’m keeping an eye out for a different job that would pay a little more than once a month. But, at the same time I’m hesitant to do so. We’ll see I guess… other than that…I’ve started going to a drop in support group for OIF/OEF veterans. It’s nice to talk to other people that are also dealing with similar issues like I am.

Ummm.. other than that not much is going on, I’m planning to go out to Pendleton for Turkey day & spend a few days out there & probably make dinner for some friends.

So that pretty much sums things up for right now, I’ll keep you readers as best as I can, considering the amount of reading I have to do…I doubt it will be very often.

I miss you!!

2010-11-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

I miss talking to you.
I miss hearing you laugh at my (endless) lame jokes.
I miss seeing you curled up in bed when i leave for school in the morning.
I miss seeing your hair first thing in the morning ( it really is cute).
I miss showing you around Portland.
I miss having you next to me at night.
I miss making you coffee in the morning.

Most of all I miss having you around.
I love you, sabrina!
<3 <3 <3 <3 @---}--- @---}--- @---}--- @---}---

Culinary School...so far

2010-10-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

So first off yes im alive. Yes i did find an apt & im almost moved in.
Ummm other than that culinary scool is going good....for the most part it has its ups & downs, but so far good. Im not really online a whole lot due to computer & internet issues, I'm hoping to change that in the near future.

Other than that unpacking is a nightmare, i'm thinking that im going to need a dump truck just to take all my boxes to the trash can...lol.

PDX trip in summation

2010-08-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

Overall the trip was good. Fri was spent running around & trying to get from Point a to Point b. Sat i spent the wandering from one apt complex to another, seeing their prices & some of the residents. I did decide on an apt complex near the hotel that i was staying at, instead of the one that was recommended by the school. The reason was that the other that my school suggested had too much traffic around it, mainly due to the proximity to the local transit center as well as three different shopping centers.
The apts. that i decided on was close to shopping (Costco is a 10 min. walk in one direction & Fred Meyer is a 5 min. walk in the other), the area itself is quiet there are a lot of families living there. Also, its close to some major computer companies & the OHSU cancer research center. As far as transportation is concerned is about 10 min. from the light rail station & bus lines. So, its a nice area there are also restaurants close by like IHOP, McDonalds, Baskin Robbins, & Starbucks (if you want ice cream & overpriced coffee). Lets see Sun was spent going down to woodburn for lunch & a movie with a friend (which was nice!). So for right now I'm planning on moving out there the weekend of the 18th since i have orientation for school on the 20th & i don't see a point on going out there then coming back & moving the next weekend. So in closing those are my plans for now, Im still waiting to hear when i can start my work-study job at the Veterans Hosp. there in PDX..i'm hoping to know soon.

Excited & nervous

2010-08-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for PDX first thing tomorrow for the weekend. My plans are to tour the Culinary school & stop by the VA to do my background crap. Sat I plan to check out the Apts. & the area surrounding it. Mainly looking for Grocery stores, vet clinic, mailing address, & gym. Then on Sunday I'm going down to Woodburn, to have lunch with a friend ...so all in all it's going to be a busy weekend.

It's 0530 & i can't sleep....

2010-08-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

...so i figured I'll update my blog (good a reason as any i suppose). So lets see where did i leave off.....I had the distinct joy of going before the local Municipal judge & got my fine reduced which is nice..sorta. I'm kinda mixed on it partially because the last time I received a yellow citation with my name on it was when I was 13. It was for stupid shit...FYI for those inquiring minds. Anywho..moving on... I've decided for sure that I'm moving to Beaverton, I think I found a lead on an apt. I won't know for sure until the end of this month when I go out to Portland for the weekend to look around. As for my work-study, I found a different job site, but due to (irritating) paperwork issues i still won't be able to start until Mid-Sept. *grrrr* Which means that i will be stuck in Pendleton for Round-Up. *GRRRRRRR* So for now that's about where things stand.

If it's not one thing, it's another.....

2010-07-23T17:13:00.000-07:00

So my initial plans to move to PDX keep hitting snags. My plan to move out there at the beginning of Sept & start my work-study might not work since the site said that i actually have to start classes before i could start work. So for now it means I'd have to move in mid Sept instead of beginning of Sept which sucks. So for now I'll just save some money & throw everything in storage until about Nov possibly when i should be able to find a place. Also, since i don't have enough to worry about, i got my first traffic citation the other night & now i have a pricey fine to pay off(sooo...since most of my readers have my e-mail, you can send me an "told ya so" should you feel inclined to do so).
So yeah, life is going swimmingly well, its turning out to be one big bowl of cherries.

Sooo...It's official....

2010-07-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

I've gone ahead & signed up for the Culinary school in Portland. I start at the end of Sept. I'm hoping to move out there towards mid-Sept. As for things with the military I'm still looking to get back in. Anywho, things are still the same I'm still gainfully unemployed, I did have an interview with Wildhorse, but nothing came of it. So for now those are my plans, if anything changes I'll keep you readers posted.

Life Update

2010-06-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

So.. as of Sat. my job with the census bureau ended & I'm gainfully unemployed. The job with Cayuse Tech. didn't work out as they decided to hire internally & said to possibly check back in a couple of months. I did put in an app with keystone but, haven't heard back from them yet. Also, i put in for a job in Kuwait... i don't know if i got it or not as there are only 2 positions available. I've also decided to put in for a couple of Gvt. jobs in the Portland Area. I thought about applying in the Tri-cities Area...but there aren't any decent Culinary programs as opposed to the Portland area. Other than that not much going on, as such i plan to update periodically when i can.

yes..i'm alive

2010-04-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

i know i haven't posted in about a month.... my life hasn't had a lot of highlights to mention.

ummm...let's see to recap this last month i FINALLY quit wally world, and as of today i am working for the U.S Census Bureau. Honestly i'm not too enthused on the job, because of the fact there is no job security it's literally a day to day job. So i have an application for Cayuse Tech. that i'm planning on filling out & submitting at the end of this week.

My MMA lessons are going good, i'm finally starting to get the hang of it, although lesson learned from the other night: kicking someone in the elbow with your foot ...seriously smarts...lol.

My progress as far as getting back into the military...its slow going...i'm working on my sit-ups (the only thing i failed on the PT test).

My progress on getting my DL is about the the same, i took the driving test about a month ago and sadly i still didn't pass, i improved my score ...but not enough to pass.

As far as school i'm thinking of starting back in the fall. The school i was attending dropped me because i wasn't passing my classes. I'm still not sure which direction to pursue as far as a major.

so in closing... i honestly feel like i've been spinning in place this last month.

Decisions decisions......

2010-03-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

I just realized that i now have 7...7! books that i want to read! *whine* why must books do this to me....why?! I'll have you readers now that I'm blaming the books wholeheartedly for my situation (lol). *sigh* now I have to go and make a decision....this is sooooo confusiling!

Checking in

2010-03-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

So... lets see.....not a whole lot going on. Sarah recently went in for dental surgery to have her canines removed due to her bad eating habits (chain link kennels,tie downs, chest harnesses,dashboards, seat belts, rear view mirrors...the usual). She is doing good, she still enjoys her usual hobbies..antagonizing the neighbor dogs, barking at cars, and being a pain..*ahem* i meant being her usual lovable self *grin*.

In other news..i did start the re-enlistment process, but it hit a snag. There was a policy and so i won't be to go directly into the Regular Army, so in order to get back in I'd have to go into the Reserves first, then wait 6 mos. & request to go active.
It's frustrating that i have to go back into a reserve element, i thought that when i left the Guard that i was done with the whole weekend warrior stuff. Guess i was wrong.
So for now I'm concentrating on passing a physical fitness test (it's the reason i can't just re-enlist. I took a diagnostic yesterday to see what i need to work on & passed 2 of the 3 events. I failed the sit-ups( like i thought i would) so that's my plan for now & try to pass it in about a month. I'll let you readers know if things change.

New breed of dog.

2010-03-06T11:56:00.000-08:00

(AP)- Scientists have recently announced they have found a new breed of dog they have named canineus dorkus. In English the name roughly translates to dorky dog. Scientists have managed to capture a rare picture of the dog in it natural habitat.They plan to study the dog's natural habitat in order to better understand the dog.

Matthew James Gross

2010-03-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

Obituary: Matthew James Gross
To a great friend, great teacher, great NCO and one of the best men I have ever had the honor of knowing. You will be missed SFC Matthew "Yuk" Gross

Dog graveyard

2010-03-03T20:29:00.000-08:00

Dog graveyard How sad!

My Valentines

2010-02-17T20:32:00.000-08:00

My first valentines was great...slightly busy, but great! I was worried about my plans for it because i have never made plans like this before. Part of it didn't work out like I'd hoped, the flowers i ordered didn't come in so i ended up making due with smaller flowers. It worked out in the end ,but lesson learned order flowers from a florist next time & not a grocery store. Nonetheless, like i said it was perfect...or as close to my plans as perfect...lol. My plans basically were to take her to dinner & have spend the night (since we don't spend alot of time together due to her school schedule & my work schedule). So I took her to dinner at Stetson's, which turned out to be her first time eating there. I ordered some Alaskan cod & she ordered some chicken scampi. The food was really good, what surprised me was the scampi. The plate was HUGE when it arrived, we were both surprised by it. As for dessert we ordered the chocolate cake, which was sooooo good, it was 7 layers of spongy chocolate cake and mousse....if you readers will excuse me for a moment i think I'm going to make ummming noises & drool at the thought of that cake..............ok i think I'm good.......*sigh*........ok now I'm done, i promise! Anyhow, after dinner we spent the night at oxford suites (mainly because i have 5 unruly dogs as roommates). I was glad i checked into the hotel earlier to have her presents waiting after dinner, i got her an oversized plush dog, a heart shaped necklace with her name inscribed on it, and I also gave her one of my dog tags. Most of my day was spent in the kitchen making a couple of chocolate tarts. Both of them didn't turned out the way i wanted them to. The one I made for my girlfriend the crust shrunk and cracked while baking, much to my dismay since i was putting chocolate in it. Part of which ( the chocolate) didn't set & ended up oozing from the cracks in the bottom. The other one turned out slightly better except for the crust, instead of forming a dough like the recipe said it was supposed to. It turned out crumbly, so i think next time i need to add more water to it... *shrug* its a thought.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T17:01:00.000-08:00

It's been good so far: I've spent some quality time with my Kitchen Aid ( caressing it & telling it how much i love it...lol), and here in a few hours I'm going to spend some quality time with my girlfriend!

feeling ..blah.

2010-02-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

Lately, i don't feel like doing anything.....i don't know exactly why i feel like this.......well part of it is my job ....the other part is ...i don't know. I need to update this, ..sadly i just don't feel like doing it. I will anyhow.

My counselor says i'm normal.

2010-01-19T21:51:00.000-08:00

*sigh* i m not sure if he's right though, I don't think it's "normal" to feel (emotionally) numb for most of my deployment. The fact that I had a roadside bomb go off 10 ft. behind my vehicle at the time & not having any reaction to it ...bothers me. When it went off the other guys in the rig were startled (other than the MP in the backseat who was asleep) but ...i honestly had no reaction to it. It was almost as if it was an everyday thing..... i .... i don't know it's hard to explain. Anyhow, i talked to a friend and got a referral to a counselor in La Grande who is prior military & is more familiar with PTSD, so my first appt. with him is in a couple weeks. In the meantime I'll still go to the person here in pendleton. Part of the reason is the Counselor here is it was temporary, i only had authorization for 12 appts. & right now i only have about 2 left. The other part of it is the counselor has never been in the military, he's....an ex-hippie ( I don't know how else to describe him), and he just doesn't understand the military. His opinion was that he thought that more soldiers should be like me...and honestly the thought just bothers me in a way because .....I really don't think (that) by not having a reaction to something is normal. I honestly don't know..... i just having alot of mixed emotions on the topic right now.

"Another year over,another year done"

2010-01-03T23:57:00.001-08:00

Sooo.... it's amazingly another year already, I thought the year just started but it's another year. Looking back on 2009 it was an interesting year with a friend's son getting deployed, problem's with a good friend, and my decision to leave the National Guard (not an easy one). It did have it's upsides, i was able to move in to a friends place to save on bills, and I also started seeing someone.

Other than that...ummm school is going slow, I didn't pass some of my classes do now i have to re-take them(blech ), I'm still working at wal-mart & contimplating looking for another job, but there aren't that many out there...so for now i'll stay where I'm at.

...There were a few other thing that i was going to say but i can't remember due to the time of night that im updating this... sooo if you readers have any questions let me know.

Merrry Christmas to all...

2009-12-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

...and to all a Merry Christmas. So overall i can't complain i spent the day with a friend who didn't feel like spending the day with a whole lot of people. It was nice we pretty much spent the day watching criminal minds on TV (there wasn't alot on). My dad & step-mom came over for breakfast & they ended up staying there usual two hours.

As for presents, I got my girlfriend a couple of sweatshirts (one had Eeyore on it & the other had a cat), a calender with different recipes for every month, and a earring/necklace set. In exchange she gave me some gloves & a sleepshirt (the one i have was getting a tad raggedy). And from my good friend i got a gift card to Barnes & Noble. We opened our presents last night. Unfortunately for me shortly after we exchanged gifts, i stuck my foot & a good part of my leg in my mouth & sadly hurt her feelings quite badly. I don't know what else I can say to her other than I'm really sorry.

It frustrates me because i do my best not to hurt people's feelings, and yet with a couple of words i hurt her quite badly. I wish that i could do something....anything to make up for what i said.

Contemplations on my life

2009-12-17T17:14:00.001-08:00

....so where to start...my recipes i guess..... I'm trying to figure out my last & final batch (for now) of Apple Crisp. My second to last batch was 95% perfect (by my calculations) the fruit mixture was thick (I'll explain later) but, it had a nice citrus taste to it along with just the right amount of spices to it. The crumb topping was ok, part of it was mixed & part wasn't. I thought i finally had it down...until this last batch... the crumb topping actually got mixed all the way, but the fruit mixture didn't have the citrus taste that i was expecting & i think i put too much spices into it this time around. With my second to last batch i accidentally put the flour for the topping in the fruit mixture, so it came out a little thick. So for now I've decided to give up & move on to other recipes, I've run across one for apple pumpkin pie that looks quite yummy. Along with a recipe for turkey squash stew that i 'm planning on trying tomorrow.

The other thing i was wanting to share is I've been thinking about a discussion i had with my counselor yesterday, on the topic of whether or not I'm a "fixer" type. It was something a friend suggested ( of which i do appreciate the input from her), and so after talking about it & thinking about it i honestly don't believe i am. Yes, I'm nice to an extent, but at the same time I don't do things as an attempt to "fix" a situation.

Something else that I brought up was the fact that I'm hard to read, I think someone suggested that I wear a mask (of sorts), so it's hard to tell what my reactions (feelings) are. Part of it is (as my counselor explained) is that i was conditioned since i was a kid not too show emotion (or the wrong one thereof). One of my earliest memories growing up was going to check the mail w/ my mom & sister, and my mom mentioning in passing that there was a letter from my dad. I was excited at the prospect, but my moms reaction was to ask me "why was i excited, it was just mail". And so later in life after my sister left home, she (my mom) would "explain" that she was my friend & i could tell her anything, but when i did she would find a way to make me feel...guilty about it. Whether it was an interest in girls, or wanting friends, or a different way of living (not having to move constantly). And so after awhile it just became easier to "not" show emotions. I know part of the reason is the fear of rejection (of why i feel the way i do towards something). *sigh* I'm honestly not too sure how to put this into words. Right now it is something I'm trying to work on.

sooo...where did I leave off?

2009-12-06T22:06:00.000-08:00

.....let me think......um thanksgiving welll...it was nice, on the menu was Cornish game hens a la orange, sweet potatoes au gratin, stuffing and asparagus i believe. My dad & step-mom stayed for the requisite two hours (which was a good thing.) All in all, a good time was had by all. Umm.. the day after my girlfriend & i did go to the tri-cities, we didn't get to go to all of the stores due to some unexpected financial setbacks. But, we did pick up the latest Costco cookbook. But, we did manage to go to barnes & noble along with hastings. And yes for those enquiring minds, i did pick up a few cookbooks at hastings (since it's not like i have a whole bookshelf full of them or anything..lol). Since my girlfriends birthday is coming up i'm planning on taking her back to the mall and see what there is to see, since hastings in Kennewick will be closed by then. I believe the the nearest stores would be Walla Walla or Pasco. Other than that, not much going on....um ...my counsling(sp?) appts. are going ok, my counsler gave me some things to think about. He found it curious that some of the women in my life have some sort of mental issues, with my mom being manipulative & controlling, to my step-mom who is currently having issues with cognitive schizoprenia, to a good friend who has PTSD, bi-polar, and boderline personality disorder ( i didn't think it was a good idea to mention that my girlfriend is also bi-polar.). I swear i don't intentionally seek people out (those with mental disorders, not that i consider having such is a bad thing), it just is one of those things. The other thing he mentioned is that he noticed with some people who've had a ...troubled (?) upbringing is that they tend to seek out a career similar to what they went through i.e. someone who has expirienced cancer with a family member might seek a career in nursing. Which got me to thinking that might be a reason i've always found the criminal justice field interesting, not too mention working for so many years as a Victim Advocate. Right now its just a thought. As such, i would like to ask you my (2 whole) dear readers, since most of you have known me for awhile, what do you think?

Holiday Plans & Life

2009-11-25T23:08:00.000-08:00

Welll..... turkey day is finally upon us and I hope that all of you readers enjoy the company of friends and family and also enjoy some good food. My plans for tomorrow are to run to the store first thing (I forgot some O.J. for a recipe), then spend mot of the morning cooking lunch for my dad & step-mom. It looks to be an interesting lunch partially because the entree is Cornish game hens with sides. For dessert i planned to make Cranberry Apple crisp ( i made it last year when i went to thanksgiving with a dear friend & it got rave reviews). I'm planning on making two batches one for me & one for my girlfriend (she won't be joining me tomorrow, since she has other plans). The other part of the reason is my step-mom is not in the best of health this year, for the last couple of months she's been having memory problems & it seems like its gotten worse as time went on. When i spoke to my dad recently to make Thanksgiving plans he mentioned that she was slightly under the weather (my first thought was Alzheimer's), but when i spoke to her briefly today it turns out i was wrong. She seems to be having a form of Cognitive Schizophrenia, so her explanations are......distorted, for lack of better description. So yeah fun will be had by all. In all seriousness, its one of those things I don't see it as a bad thing in any way (challenging yes, bad no) Other than that, my after holiday plans are to take my girlfriend to the mall along with a couple of book stores in tri-cities on fri., mainly just to roam about & also to spend time with her. It just seems like with her school schedule & my work schedule we don't see much of each other exept on my lunch & when i pick her up and drop her off at her place. Right now I can't wait for fri. to arrive. And so dear readers (since i believe i have a whole 2 of you :) ) Hope you all have a good turkey day!

How do you let go?

2009-11-12T23:04:00.000-08:00

After a recent discussion with my friend (see previous post on feeling hurt) Ive decided at this point i just need to walk away (emotion wise) I...... just can't do this, I strongly disagree with her decision. But, it's her life and nothing anybodys says seems to make a difference. Right now I'm frustrated, sad, & tired because I'm not sure what to do.
How do you let go of someone in this situation? After much thought on her part ....she has decided that she wants to become pregnant again...to me this raises a HUGE red flag. In a way i would support her decision, but on the other hand.....it is a really bad idea. So, right now i don't know, which frustrates me because i seem to be saying alot lately. Do you readers have any suggestions?

Change #322

2009-11-09T09:59:00.000-08:00

So after thinking it over & talking with sarah I decided to take my lady-friend to see the Vampire Asst. movie and dinner at Shari's as opposed to dinner at the casino ( i figured i take her out there at a later time). The movie was good & I'm probably going to buy the DVD when it comes out. Dinner was good as well i ended up ordering a Salmon dish and my friend ordered a Chicken dish that also looked pretty good. It worked out since my friend kept telling me to surprise her & since its my birthday i should be able to do what i want. So yea, when i picked her up & she asked what was on the itinerary i told her to wait & see since she kept telling me to surprise her. Overall, I definitely enjoyed the eveining.

Happy B-day to me!

2009-11-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

Happy b-day to me, happy b-day to meeee! So my plans for the day are to take a lady friend to dinner at the local casino (shhh its a surprise!!) then probably rent a movie since theres not a whole choices at the movie theatre. Other than that My plan is to try and catch up on some missing homework assignments.

Frustrated,hurt, & feeling helpless

2009-10-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

A good friend tried take her own life last night. She kept saying that she was tired of hurting, & tired of being hurt. It started last night when she called me to come pick up her dog. She was drinking & slightly out of it, i knew something was wrong but she kept saying "she was fine & to take her dog home". I stayed for a short while before i decided to call a mutual friend, she told me to call 911.....but i didn't. The friend stayed for a few hours & i left to go home, I received a text about 11ish saying my friend was asleep and the other friend was leaving. About 4:30am my friend called me and asked me to come over, when i did she was drinking and again not quite coherent. We talked for awhile before she got drowsy and passed out. She woke up about 7:30am mixed another drink and took some pills ( I should have stopped her, but i didn't) after about 40 min. she got drowsy and went to sleep. It hurt to hear her explain that she was dissapointed that she woke up this morning, that her life was a joke, and that she believed that she wasn't needed anymore. I left about 8ish to check on my roommate's dogs and get breakfast & took all the alcohol with me to my place. As i was getting back to check on my friend, she called to see if i could help her run errands & also to see where her alcohol was. I helped her run her errands, when we got back she asked if i could go grocery shopping. I said i would, she laid down on the couch for about 15min, she then got up & said she needed to use the bathroom while she was in there i heard her take some more pills. She came back out and kept trying to tell me i need to leave & go shopping. I told her no i was staying for awhile, we argued about it for about 10 min. before she passed out. It was at that time that i finally called 911 ( I should have called last night, but i didn't. I thought she'd be fine in the morning, it sounds dumb i know). At that point is when i started calling mutual friends & family members. Right now as im writing this I'm tired and want to go to bed ( I've gotten about 30 min. worth of cat naps since my day started, but ...i feel like as soon as i do im going to get a call saying my friend is in trouble, even though i know she safe.....but there is still that feeling. I'm frustrated that i should've called 911 sooner but didn't, I should've stopped her from taking those pills.... but i didn't.... i sat and watched her take them and pass out..... time and time again all night long. I'm frustrated because i had to cancel my date tonite (which i was looking forward to). I just feel like i should've done more. The last time my friend ODed she was upset because someone called 911, & now i wonder is my friend going to call me the next time she feels like this, or do i go to bed every night wondering will i see my friend again?

Halloween Plans

2009-10-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

Well its that time of year for the little ghost & goblins to come out "scare" the rest of us. I don't anticipate all that many visitors this year. Last year i believe i was "swamped" by a whole 3 trick or treaters. So i'm not going to be stocking up on a whole lot of candy. As far as sarah is concerned, due to financial constraints sarah won't have a costume this year, which kinda sucks because i found the cutest little dragon costume that i was going to buy for her. Anywho, in other news, i have a date for halloween. I'm probably taking her to dinner first, then we're going to see the new vampire flick. Other than that school is still a chore, i don't mind it, but its just the homework just frustrates me sometimes. I want to apply for a job here in town, But i'm having trouble locating a resume thats current. So yeah, thats all that new with me.

Sleep Deprived ramblings

2009-10-12T23:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to sleep for the last few days part of it just par for the course with me. For the last few years there are some nights i sleep and some nights that i don't, and yes (for those inquiring minds) some days i feel like a nut & some days i don't :D (sorry, i just kill myself sometimes). It has gotten better over time it stared out with me not sleeping for about 8 days. Now, it's just 2-3 days at a time abiut every few months and so the down side of it is I'm at the point that i asked a friend to borrow one of her gabbapentin pills to sleep (shhhhh...don't tell!). I stared out taking melatonin after about 1 1/2 yrs. that stopped working, so i went to OTC sleeping pills. That worked for awhile, but now it just doesn.t seem to work since i still toss & turn. so yeah it's frustrating that i'm at the point where i have to get something as strong as gabapentin. Part of the other reason i haven't is that my roomate's son is home for a couple of days (he is currently deployed overseas), so he had his girlfriend staying at the house and they...spent quality time together most nights. If it was any other time (on nights when i can sleep) it wouldn't be that big of deal. But, since i can't sleep its.....just......annoying kinda sorta...idk.....it's hard to explain. Anywho, since its past midnight i will let you readers go.

Thoughts Please.

2009-10-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

After reading the article, it is legal under the Terry Exception, but on the other hand in a way it sounds like a persons rights are violated.
Police stop more than 1 million people on street

What crap!!!

2009-10-05T23:59:00.000-07:00

just because a person doesn't support the war doesn't mean a person can't support troops overseas.

http://thankasoldier.wordpress.com/schoolsaysno/

My Dog

2009-09-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

Besides being a pain in my a@@ most days she is my baby girl and a conundrum . For those of my readers that aren't familiar sarah, she went to the vet the other day because of some concerns with her walking.
Originally, we (my friend & I) thought it might be just a pinched nerve or possibly hip dysplasia ). But after the vet took x-rays it was discovered that she has severe arthritis. According to the vet the advanced state of the arthritis is commonly found in older dogs (sarah is only 8yo.) & just based on the x-rays she should be bedridden & crippled with pain. But, she not she walks fine w/ occasional difficulties. So for right now she is taking anti-inflammatories, fish oil, & glucosamine in her water everyday. So we'll see if it helps her at all.

Frustrations

2009-09-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a long night, a friend was checked into the E.R because she tried to Od on some pills. It frustrates me me because I'm watching my friend self destruct and....i can't do anything about it.
The whole situation is complicated, there are alot of factors involved. But for right now she'll spend the weekend at my place so i can keep an eye on her.

Yay for me!!

2009-09-18T17:19:00.000-07:00

There was a cookie bake off this week at work & i entered & won first place!!! My prize was a 3 pce. knife set. So yeah... yay for me.

So...life

2009-09-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

Where to begin...my classes are continuing, i have about 3 weeks left in the session. And a ton of homework since i missed a few assignments. At this point I'm not too sure if i'll pass my classes but we'll see.

I didn't get my deposit back from my landlords, since i did not clean my place thorough enough when i moved out so bye bye deposit pretty much.

I sorta found a babysitter (sad that i had to find one) so now when I'm at work I don't have too worry about her escaping. It seems like i just have to worry about her getting into things ...like chocolate lava cakes from domino's. Much to my extreme dismay.

Other than that... ohhh my round up plans, a buddy of mine from the military will be coming into town & also planned to go out with another friend on fri. (since i have the day off) so it looks to be a fun time. I'll keep you readers posted.

yay for me!

2009-09-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

Yay I now have 1 follower ! *sigh* i feel so loved!

mixed emotions at once

2009-08-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

*sigh* I feel tired, frustrated, irritated, bored, & restless all at the same time. Between work, & homework & other stuff. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I feel like i want to be somewhere else..someone else. The problem is I don't know where i want to go or... who I'd rather be...other than just somewhere else. Right now i just don't know how to put my feelings into words. Its just one of those days. Part of it is it's one of those why can't that be me.

On pins & needles

2009-08-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm waiting for some bread pudding to come out of the oven. I ended up taking some liberties with the recipe: Ive added tart cherries that were soaked in some cherry liqueur, and Ive added some citrus rind (orange & lemon). As for tomorrow if i have time i hoping to make a blueberry tart. We'll see though.

In other news, I'm finally done with my move, THANKFULLY!!! I can't remember if I've mentioned it, but i sooooo hate moving. I have yet to see my deposit so ill call the landlord on Monday to see when i might be getting it.

As for school, i passed my Eng. Comp class with a B+ no less (which is a surprise to me), but i failed my Info & tech. course, so far my classes are still on schedule. I start my Eng Comp. 2 & Amer. Govt. on Wed. so that's always good.

Other than that I've requested to have my hours changed to part time, so that should start the 2nd week of Sept.. Umm... sarah is doing good, she might be spending the weekends at the kennel since her ADD is coming out (joy of joys) since shes tied up alot more than she used to be.

I know dear readers at this point you're thinking how i lead quite the exciting life...lol.
anywho, that's about it, i'll keep you posted on my culinary creations.

What's wrong with me?

2009-08-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

I don't get it, i should be happy, I have in a 3 bedroom house pretty much all to myself, free cable, free wireless. In exchange for rent I just do basic maintenance around the house mow the lawn, change the light bulbs, watch the dogs. On the plus side my roommate will buy all the groceries, all I have to do is write down what i want. Again i should be happy, but I feel uncomfortable with the fact that I someone else buys my groceries. Its just a weird feeling, I'm not sure how to describe it.

sob i don' wanna go to work!!!

2009-07-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Cann't i just stay home??!! I worked the 4- midnight shift last night and i have to go in here in about an hour. the fun part is that i have to go in at 7am tomorrow. I wonder if anybody would complain if i called in this weekend. I'm sure my dog wouldn't complain.

My trip to the dentist

2009-07-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

Well, let's see where to start i went to walla walla since i had an appt. at the VA clinic. I went with my roommate since she had an appt as well and would be unable to drive back. So after I dropped her of at her dentist i sat and read a book for about an hour since my appt was later than hers. So at that point I left for my appt and ended up taking the secenic tour of the area..lol. Instead of going in the direction that we came in i ...went in the other direction so after driving around I finally decided to do the smart thing and ask for directions. So after figuring out where i need to go i make it to the VA clinic. Everyone with me so far ...ok just checking. So after my appt I realized that i didn't know which dentist my friend was at so i started driving in the direction i thought it was. Problem was i missed the turn and pretty much had to go almost down to Big 5 there in town. i get turned around and make the turn where i was supposed to . I start going down the road and looking where i thought my roomate's dentist was supposed to be and i just was not seeing anything looking familiar. So i stopped and asked for a phone book at a credit union so i could see a map & try to figure out where in Hades name i was at. (turns out i was 5 min. away from the office i was looking for. So here i am studying the map trying to figure out how i got to where i was at when i left my friend and how to get back. i tried initally to look up the dentists in the phone book to see if a name jumped out at me...it didn't . So after studying the map i had a good idea of how i ended up where i was. I figured out which office my friend was at (on the first call no less...lol) and it turened out i was about 5 min from the credit union where i was calling from. so after i get to my destination, i had to wait till she was done. When she was done i ended up taking the wrong turn ( sounds oddly familiar) & soooo after finally turning around i got on the freeway & headed home. And so i learned a few lessons:
1. I'm 100% male when it comes to asking for directions.

2. It's a good idea to know where you're at , so you can get back there.

3. it's always a good idea to become familiar with the area you're in.

So, yeah that was my day. Hopefully yo all had a better time than me.

My new Home

2009-07-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to go with Blogger since it's more accessible & some friends also use blogger. so that's all for now.

Updates from a Pastry and Baking student

I suck at life.

Random Musings

Merry X-mas!!

Frustrated & feeling overwhelmed *w/addeum*

PDT Trip

My Turkey Day

Tired, frustrated & missing my old school schedule.

Change #322

34...

Feeling Envious

Reflections

Off to go white water rafting

Drained

An Update...finally :-S

Tired

My Spring Break & me :-)

Spring break & school

*Sigh* spring break cannot come soon enough!

Book Review

random thoughts

School so far.

White Water Rafting trip

my terribile, horrible, no good....week

My X-mas/ new years plans

Turkey Day, school & stuff

tired, frustrated, & feeling overwhelmed

School is “torture”

I miss you!!

Culinary School...so far

PDX trip in summation

Excited & nervous

It's 0530 & i can't sleep....

If it's not one thing, it's another.....

Sooo...It's official....

Life Update

yes..i'm alive

Decisions decisions......

Checking in

New breed of dog.

Matthew James Gross

Dog graveyard

My Valentines

Happy Valentine's Day

feeling ..blah.

My counselor says i'm normal.

"Another year over,another year done"

Merrry Christmas to all...

Contemplations on my life

sooo...where did I leave off?

Holiday Plans & Life

How do you let go?

Change #322

Happy B-day to me!

Frustrated,hurt, & feeling helpless

Halloween Plans

Sleep Deprived ramblings

Thoughts Please.

What crap!!!

My Dog

Frustrations

Yay for me!!

So...life

yay for me!

mixed emotions at once

On pins & needles

What's wrong with me?

*sob* i don' wanna go to work!!!

My trip to the dentist

My new Home

Frustrated & feeling overwhelmed w/addeum

Sigh spring break cannot come soon enough!

sob i don' wanna go to work!!!