Holiday Plans & Life

Welll..... turkey day is finally upon us and I hope that all of you readers enjoy the company of friends and family and also enjoy some good food. My plans for tomorrow are to run to the store first thing (I forgot some O.J. for a recipe), then spend mot of the morning cooking lunch for my dad & step-mom. It looks to be an interesting lunch partially because the entree is Cornish game hens with sides. For dessert i planned to make Cranberry Apple crisp ( i made it last year when i went to thanksgiving with a dear friend & it got rave reviews). I'm planning on making two batches one for me & one for my girlfriend (she won't be joining me tomorrow, since she has other plans). The other part of the reason is my step-mom is not in the best of health this year, for the last couple of months she's been having memory problems & it seems like its gotten worse as time went on. When i spoke to my dad recently to make Thanksgiving plans he mentioned that she was slightly under the weather (my first thought was Alzheimer's), but when i spoke to her briefly today it turns out i was wrong. She seems to be having a form of Cognitive Schizophrenia, so her explanations are......distorted, for lack of better description. So yeah fun will be had by all. In all seriousness, its one of those things I don't see it as a bad thing in any way (challenging yes, bad no) Other than that, my after holiday plans are to take my girlfriend to the mall along with a couple of book stores in tri-cities on fri., mainly just to roam about & also to spend time with her. It just seems like with her school schedule & my work schedule we don't see much of each other exept on my lunch & when i pick her up and drop her off at her place. Right now I can't wait for fri. to arrive. And so dear readers (since i believe i have a whole 2 of you :) ) Hope you all have a good turkey day!

How do you let go?

After a recent discussion with my friend (see previous post on feeling hurt) Ive decided at this point i just need to walk away (emotion wise) I...... just can't do this, I strongly disagree with her decision. But, it's her life and nothing anybodys says seems to make a difference. Right now I'm frustrated, sad, & tired because I'm not sure what to do.
How do you let go of someone in this situation? After much thought on her part ....she has decided that she wants to become pregnant again...to me this raises a HUGE red flag. In a way i would support her decision, but on the other hand.....it is a really bad idea. So, right now i don't know, which frustrates me because i seem to be saying alot lately. Do you readers have any suggestions?

Change #322

So after thinking it over & talking with sarah I decided to take my lady-friend to see the Vampire Asst. movie and dinner at Shari's as opposed to dinner at the casino ( i figured i take her out there at a later time). The movie was good & I'm probably going to buy the DVD when it comes out. Dinner was good as well i ended up ordering a Salmon dish and my friend ordered a Chicken dish that also looked pretty good. It worked out since my friend kept telling me to surprise her & since its my birthday i should be able to do what i want. So yea, when i picked her up & she asked what was on the itinerary i told her to wait & see since she kept telling me to surprise her. Overall, I definitely enjoyed the eveining.

Happy B-day to me!

Happy b-day to me, happy b-day to meeee! So my plans for the day are to take a lady friend to dinner at the local casino (shhh its a surprise!!) then probably rent a movie since theres not a whole choices at the movie theatre. Other than that My plan is to try and catch up on some missing homework assignments.

Frustrated,hurt, & feeling helpless

A good friend tried take her own life last night. She kept saying that she was tired of hurting, & tired of being hurt. It started last night when she called me to come pick up her dog. She was drinking & slightly out of it, i knew something was wrong but she kept saying "she was fine & to take her dog home". I stayed for a short while before i decided to call a mutual friend, she told me to call 911.....but i didn't. The friend stayed for a few hours & i left to go home, I received a text about 11ish saying my friend was asleep and the other friend was leaving. About 4:30am my friend called me and asked me to come over, when i did she was drinking and again not quite coherent. We talked for awhile before she got drowsy and passed out. She woke up about 7:30am mixed another drink and took some pills ( I should have stopped her, but i didn't) after about 40 min. she got drowsy and went to sleep. It hurt to hear her explain that she was dissapointed that she woke up this morning, that her life was a joke, and that she believed that she wasn't needed anymore. I left about 8ish to check on my roommate's dogs and get breakfast & took all the alcohol with me to my place. As i was getting back to check on my friend, she called to see if i could help her run errands & also to see where her alcohol was. I helped her run her errands, when we got back she asked if i could go grocery shopping. I said i would, she laid down on the couch for about 15min, she then got up & said she needed to use the bathroom while she was in there i heard her take some more pills. She came back out and kept trying to tell me i need to leave & go shopping. I told her no i was staying for awhile, we argued about it for about 10 min. before she passed out. It was at that time that i finally called 911 ( I should have called last night, but i didn't. I thought she'd be fine in the morning, it sounds dumb i know). At that point is when i started calling mutual friends & family members. Right now as im writing this I'm tired and want to go to bed ( I've gotten about 30 min. worth of cat naps since my day started, but ...i feel like as soon as i do im going to get a call saying my friend is in trouble, even though i know she safe.....but there is still that feeling. I'm frustrated that i should've called 911 sooner but didn't, I should've stopped her from taking those pills.... but i didn't.... i sat and watched her take them and pass out..... time and time again all night long. I'm frustrated because i had to cancel my date tonite (which i was looking forward to). I just feel like i should've done more. The last time my friend ODed she was upset because someone called 911, & now i wonder is my friend going to call me the next time she feels like this, or do i go to bed every night wondering will i see my friend again?

Halloween Plans

Well its that time of year for the little ghost & goblins to come out "scare" the rest of us. I don't anticipate all that many visitors this year. Last year i believe i was "swamped" by a whole 3 trick or treaters. So i'm not going to be stocking up on a whole lot of candy. As far as sarah is concerned, due to financial constraints sarah won't have a costume this year, which kinda sucks because i found the cutest little dragon costume that i was going to buy for her. Anywho, in other news, i have a date for halloween. I'm probably taking her to dinner first, then we're going to see the new vampire flick. Other than that school is still a chore, i don't mind it, but its just the homework just frustrates me sometimes. I want to apply for a job here in town, But i'm having trouble locating a resume thats current. So yeah, thats all that new with me.

Sleep Deprived ramblings

I haven't been able to sleep for the last few days part of it just par for the course with me. For the last few years there are some nights i sleep and some nights that i don't, and yes (for those inquiring minds) some days i feel like a nut & some days i don't :D (sorry, i just kill myself sometimes). It has gotten better over time it stared out with me not sleeping for about 8 days. Now, it's just 2-3 days at a time abiut every few months and so the down side of it is I'm at the point that i asked a friend to borrow one of her gabbapentin pills to sleep (shhhhh...don't tell!). I stared out taking melatonin after about 1 1/2 yrs. that stopped working, so i went to OTC sleeping pills. That worked for awhile, but now it just doesn.t seem to work since i still toss & turn. so yeah it's frustrating that i'm at the point where i have to get something as strong as gabapentin. Part of the other reason i haven't is that my roomate's son is home for a couple of days (he is currently deployed overseas), so he had his girlfriend staying at the house and they...spent quality time together most nights. If it was any other time (on nights when i can sleep) it wouldn't be that big of deal. But, since i can't sleep its.....just......annoying kinda sorta...idk.....it's hard to explain. Anywho, since its past midnight i will let you readers go.